Idiots (Part 2)

Please take note that the following are my opinions and I don’t give a damn if you don’t like it. And uh, you should read the first part before reading this one (if you’re even bothered).

“And about us being idiots, we tend to take the wrong turn upon making decisions because we didn’t really use our brain, we rely on our ego too much.” – Idiots (Part 1)

The next few paragraphs would be somehow my so-called “love life” in college – well most people would see me as someone (any adjective that describes a bad person) and I would have to agree partially since I know I’m absolutely guilty. Since I’m not really courageous to type their names here, I’d guess I would have to use other methods to represent them. Here goes:

(A+1) – Girl 1
(A -1) – Girl 2
(B+1) – Guy 1

At first, some of my friends were teasing me with (A+1) claiming that she actually likes me – of course, I never really trusted them because they like to play jokes with me ever since high school; hence, I played it cool. Unintentionally, I helped (A+1) with (something), thus she gave me (something) in return for my help – alas, the teasing from my friends got more frequent. Headache. A friend of mine claimed that (A+1) asked him if I were taken or not and he answered he didn’t know (Thank you! But not good enough, you could’ve said I’m taken). All of the sudden, her (appearance) changed and some girls claimed that (A+1) changed because of me – the teasing got worse, I got sick of the teasing and in order to stop all that, I knew I had to do something,  so apparently I did.

Mere coincidence, I met (A-1) and we got to know each other – I somehow feel secured when we talk or chat or whatever. Made me happy. The teasing stopped. Happier. Somewhere along the way, (A+1) confronted (A-1) – asking something about me (source reliable). Things got really complicated. Out of the blue, (A+1) gave me (something) and I was astound. Things got more complicated as teasing and weird advices started to flow from people around me. About (A+1), I don’t mean to ignore her or anything, it’s just that I’m in doubt of what she’s been doing, I did almost nothing to her – there’s no particular reason why she should behave that way. I know where I stand; I’m not a full time jock with perfect body shape or absolute health, I’m not a genius (that’s for sure) and I’m not that good looking (hell, there’s a lot more guy with better smile and almost perfect figure in college) or simply, 70% of people in college who started that rumor were nut-cases  and I was eaten alive by their lies. Who knows? So, I guess ignoring (A+1) would be the best solution.

Apparently, I somehow got (A-1) like me subconsciously. To be frank, I don’t really recall what I did that made her to like me. And I thought, I was just being a nice friend because sincerely, I did the same thing to almost every girl that doesn’t have the word HATE on their forehead. So-called “friends” kept pursuing me, to go and get her – I listened and I did nothing, however, the so-called “advices” never stopped. And honestly, I kindda had a feeling that if I’m with (A-1), I’d stop what (A+1)’ve been doing. Nevertheless, I felt guilty to (A-1). So I did nothing. Things got more complicated when a new character, (B+1) appeared. He likes (A-1) and I have nothing against him. Fucking devlish friends told me that I should really go for (A-1) before (B+1) get her. I never really listened because I don’t think I have to since I love being with her, as friends, because I get to tell everything I feel, and I don’t really have that love romantic type feeling towards her.

One night, (A-1) told me that (B+1) proposed to her (girlfriend-boyfriend type of propose, not the other one) and she said she’s confused (She never really told me that she liked me) – as she said she likes somebody else and that somebody else did not respond. My so-called “genius” brain told me that I should interfere, who cares about that (B+1) guy? Who knows if I spend more time with (A-1), I’d start to like her (as in really like kind of like) – so I took the challenge. See? I was fucked up worse than the previous one. As day goes by, the wind of (A+1) started to disappear. I was relieved. I spent most of my time with (A-1), hoping I would really fall for her – for good. Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite well. Few months went by and I still felt nothing. Worse, I felt awkward. Now, I’m confused. Thus, I’m thinking of leaving her but I didn’t have the guts. I mean, she’s so innocent, kind and fragile. How could I do something like that to her? That’s just cruel and I know I’m totally guilty. So, I started to ignore her too, just so that she would feel left out and leave me instead. It was really hard but I had to do it. There’s no point of moving on with a relationship without feelings, I’m obviously playing with her emotions and feelings – I felt really guilty. Although it might seems like a bad decision, but it’s the best for her. I really should’ve let (A-1) be with (B+1), they would’ve been happy.

(klak sambong gik…)